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Carmen's avatar

Your identification of cultural expectations as a significant factor is as trenchant as it is brave. I grew up in a community where not to go to college was unthinkable. Where physical fighting and misbehavior in school was deeply taboo. And where having a baby before, say, your late 20s/college/career/probably a solid relationship was equally unthinkable. People weren't necessarily smarter at birth, but they had better outcomes overall than people who grew up in communities without such expectations.

In college at Columbia, I had a white classmate who was arrested for buying drugs on the street in NYC. She came from an upper middle class Long Island Jewish family; jail was unthinkable. Her mom, a smart lawyer, got her out within 24 hours and figured out how to put the episode swiftly behind her. Yes, that's privilege, but it's also a strong culture of high expectations: My friend was literally sobered by the shame of the episode into confronting her (considerable) substance issues. She straightened out and made sure it never happened again. I often think of this example of how powerfully one's life trajectory is shaped by the expectations of the surrounding culture.

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Tree's avatar

Thanks for this. I live in what was once a more [than it is now] predominantly white suburb outside of Detroit. And when we opened our public schools to students outside of our district (Schools of Choice) in 1990’s, quite a few black students from Detroit enrolled in one of the high schools in our city. Well, I guess some of them were really behind where they should be to pass, so the school principal (who was white), set up a lunchtime and after school program for them as well as for white students who were behind to get the extra help they needed. He made arrangements with teachers (who are union employees, and it wasn’t in their contract) to do this. He was willing to fork over the extra cost. Well, the parents of the black students all complained that it was racist to do that. There were press stories. And eventually the principal backed down. I was floored. I thought, “What? When my kids struggle with a class or a subject, as one-income household at the time, we’ve had to sacrifice to pay tutors. No teachers were staying after school (especially on a regular basis) to help them. And you turned that opportunity down?! Wtf. What about your kids? Aren’t they worth making that extra investment in time and effort - and even though it may be inconvenient to you logistically?” And I was really upset that a principal who cared enough to do something like that had to deal with claims of racism and that mob mentality won.

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